The Predicament of Redwood Paddock Read online

  “Aren’t you charged with organising a seminar or something at his request?”

  Horace summoned bemusement for five seconds and chuckled once more. “Of course, that’s right, I had forgotten all about that in my anger over his defection. Great idea Wishbone, can I leave that in your hands then, as I will be flat out in the seminar with such a collection of dullards?”

  “Delighted old chap, leave him to me.”

  Having etched the overall plan with the two narcissists, Horace decided he would now only communicate with them one-on-one. As the meeting broke up he called Wishbone to one side and suggested he might combine the wrecking of Hedinsand with sympathy for IR, acknowledging the courage of the ‘little guy.’ The Health Minister was uncomfortable with this, as IR had subsequently challenged his own authority via his pronouncements on Memphis Chloe’s medication policy.

  “But that is not to be interpreted as a direct impact on you, it is a swipe at ‘NOSONICE,’ (North and South Nebulous Inference of Clinical Evaluation). And, as you have said on many occasions, you are unhappy with its Chief Executive thriving on its clumsy matrix management fiasco. This could provide a perfect example of fuzzy structure causing unwieldy policy, an opportunity to clear this up by direct command should not be missed. After all, it isn’t you who rocked the boat or set out that absurd policy in the first place, and a little sympathy with this Richardson would be a small price to pay for such a reward. The collateral payoff would be high profile popularity, quite worrying for the PM, who is already going to be livid with the leaks on Trenchy.”

  Wishbone’s head was a crossroads of four lane traffic with no road signs, but the potential pile up was dominated by the potency of a power struggle in which he felt he had so many allies.

  “Well yes, I er well, had considered this myself of course, but the way you’ve put it makes me realise I have a duty to challenge some of the recent edicts we have had to swallow. Furthermore, I would merely be passing responsible concerns to the highest office, in advance of my calming of the waters by prudent but decisive action. Thank you Horace for reminding me of the team ethic that is essential to our democratic pledge.”

  Job done.

  Chapter 18

  Wimp Fargo only saw the part of the iceberg above the waterline, and even that did not sit comfortably. Homeland Security had racked up a very sad reputation during his tenure. Disillusioned citizens, councillors, and ministers all perceived a situation which was difficult to halt, never mind turn around. It was an office weighed down with too many areas of responsibility for a head honcho obsessed with his own retirement. Crime/police, border control, detention service, and terrorist surveillance/ neutralisation were the main ones. How it related to the justice system was obscure at best, and unfortunately for him, this was the strong suit of Buckmananov Detroit, the bit under the water, the legal bird of prey endorsed by Tarquin De Vere.

  The racoon had outlined to IR his recommendation for calling the incarceration of Mr Pinstripe into question. The plan was relatively simple. His experience of getting settlements on silly claims was actually aided by the ‘Wallies in the Wigs.’ These guys had been systematically conditioned to consider aspects of human rights in splendid isolation from the context of the real world. Not the world defined by governments, but the one defined by the delicate balance of order and anarchy. He cited examples of members of the armed forces, who had lost limbs defending their country, being offered a pittance for their loss, compared with an office worker being awarded a fortune because alleged sex discrimination had ruined their life. He further stated that in a society which gives more weight to being personally offended than sustaining terrible real life impact, the inbuilt danger was obviously waking up in the morning and then deciding what you would be offended by today - criticism of your attire, having an ugly boss, having to listen to the views of an atheist? An almighty paradox looms in the form of the reconciliation of free speech with human rights.

  Turning specifically to Pinstripe, he said they needed precedent, because the Wallies were obsessed with it, no matter that it may even be more ludicrous than the current, approved judgement criteria. Precedent was almost unimpeachable.

  One might ask whether the Wallies ever did or ever will suffer any direct call to account regarding the effects of what they hand down. We can only conclude it is as likely as a water breather taking a vacation on the moon.

  Having trawled the legal net, Buckmananov Detroit came across a case where an elderly goat had taken public transport, and being reminded of the frequent incidence of mugging, he took his swordstick, in case he was attacked. He was, and four young ferrets surrounded him, threatened him, and his refusal to surrender his possessions resulted in physical violence from them. He defended himself by brandishing his swordstick and cut one of them, so they all fled. Although there were many witnesses, none offered to help him because they were afraid of the ferrets. Subsequently, the ferrets were charged with affray, but the goat was hit with intended aggravated assault which could have caused serious bodily harm. The case hinged on the goat making a premeditated decision to take his swordstick that morning.

  Enter the Wallies - case proven. The goat was sent down, the ferrets - chastised, and given a suspended sentence, having promised to be more considerate in future. Now, not only had Pinstripe’s intruder made a conscious decision to break into a domain not owned by himself, and not invited by the legal owner, he had compounded this by taking a lethal weapon with him. Furthermore, the aspect of defining unreasonable force carries a grave risk to the owner, if he dwells on a decision to defend himself in any way. He is already off-guard having just been awakened by the intrusion, and instantly faced with a serious threat. Failure to act could easily cost him his life, especially if he could identify the intruder.

  “You can be sure the Wallies will go with the precedent, anything else would make their clan subject to external accountability - what could be worse?”

  IR thanked Detroit and sent the guts of his advice on to Wimp Fargo, penned in the language of an appeal case proposal, to be activated unless Fargo could look into this himself. The appeal would be privately funded, not involving the Council. Wimp shuddered as he read the document, this was so unfair with only six months to his retirement - and yet the perspective to encompass Pinstripe’s outrageous treatment did not even enter his head. He simply attempted to close ranks with his colleagues, or would that be the other way round?

  Mmmm, he really was staring into the jaws of oblivion if he had to count on those sycophants. How could he snatch detachment from the misuse of policy, whilst being seen to uphold most of the principles of policy? Escapology was not his strongest attribute, neither were integrity, calmness under fire, and interpretation of the big picture with its labyrinthine requirement to muster reliable allies. In short he was doomed, because although these talents were not his forte he didn’t quite grasp that fact, nor did he appreciate that such expertise either existed or it didn’t, there wasn’t a ‘degree of competence’ to which one could aspire. What he did understand was the scent of blood and its reliable attraction of vultures with all manner of appetites. Resistance was futile, there was only one way out, he could only rely on the PM for support, and anyway had not Wishbone said that he had no intention of keeping IR’s two complaints from the Cabinet? Well then, he would go one better and get in first. He had no reason to suspect Wishbone’s declaration as a bluff, let alone a trap, and this was without knowing of the Health Minister’s new found sympathy for IR. Suicide is bad enough when it is intended. The PM completely ‘understood’ his awkward situation and was ‘glad’ he had come to him direct with this mess. He would give it serious thought and asked Wimp if he had discussed this with anyone else other than Wishbone, er, Minister Standin-Line. When he heard the reply he wanted to hear, “Certainly not PM,” Wimp’s fate was sealed.

  In a matter of hours the net was cast to produce possible successors on a need to know basis, but wide enough to alert ev
eryone but the victim of his impending demise. The media (including Sniffy) were to be in the loop via sources who were experts in ‘straw man’ politics, to ensure distance for the PM, and also make ‘the king is dead, long live the king’ farce look like an open opportunity for yet another candidate, who needed to be ushered toward either grooming for destiny or political obscurity. This also had the advantage of portraying the PM as an action-oriented strong leader, who despite the prospect of losing a respected colleague so close to his retirement, saw it as his solemn duty to act on behalf of the citizens, to cement their confidence that this government shirks no task which prejudices our moral responsibility.

  Poor Wimp, in his exploding fear he forgot that there are some things the PM must not know, until it is safe for him to know them. Only the timing of his departure was to be contemplated. He would not be told until he had accreted the maximum culpability for as many contentious failures as possible. Every department needs to be tidied up once in a while, just as a car needs to be serviced at regular intervals. Even if the car is running well it’s an opportunity to extract more from the customer.

  ***

  Improbable Richardson had yet to realise the extent of the political momentum released by striking the cue ball so early in his new remit. Going in off the red was the least of the consequences. Many possible outcomes were set in motion. The reader may be by now reeling from meeting so many characters in such a short time, but at least they can take heart from the fact that there are just a few main protagonists, not an excess of supporting actors, mostly bit-part contributors in the cast, a few cameos, and hordes of extras. It’s just as well that there is a ‘dramatis personae’ at the end of the book which places the characters into these categories. No point in retaining useless information.

  At least this shows exactly what our senior politicians have to deal with on our behalf. These selfless individuals are a rare breed. Whereas we mere mortals only have to be concerned on a daily basis with a few planets orbiting the sun, the stalwarts of Westminster must know everything about every rock in the asteroid belt!

 

  Chapter 19

  De Vere was feverishly listening to the contact he had been given on computer technology, by his fixer Verily Knot. This diminutive vole, Bios Derailleur, was employed by the Ministry of Intelligence and was considered to be the best in his field. He was a genius in burrowing into, infecting, or merely monitoring citizens’ computer activities. Even more so in setting up invasive, undetectable links to corporate systems, but only if it was strictly warranted!!!

  He had paid a visit to the Old Oak and when Enoch appeared he was introduced as Tarquin De Vere’s personal assistant. De Vere offered to ask Derailleur to wait outside if the Owl was uncomfortable, but this was declined in view of the help he had given IR with the legal contact. After a short review with Enoch on his offer to further assist IR’s cause on the TV debate episode 2, he signed off and sat down with the vole. Bios Derailleur disclosed his opinion.

  “This is a remotely operated two-way web cam, linked most probably to a laptop. It’s clever only insofar as the lip sync is near perfect, between the image we see and the voice distortion unit, so that the operator can converse without any time delay. The image of the Owl is likely to have been computer generated remotely, but linked as a slave projection of the original, housed inside this façade where we log-in. This means there are some backward integrated software protocols in the pub unit so that it functions as user initiated boot up. This however does not explain how the operator is always available at the time we log-in. If we can figure this out it should be a simple task to infect the system to render it inoperative. It then becomes only slightly more complicated to upload all conversations to your own system, located reasonably close to this unit. Which do you like best, the virus or the spy-iris, or do you want both?”

  Tarquin preferred to have the latter for now, the sabotage could wait. “How long do you think it will take you to explain the constant availability of the operator?”

  The vole said he didn’t know, but it was still possible to configure sophisticated spyware to perform constant monitoring, whereas if a virus were introduced before discovering the operator’s secret, it would be lost. He said he would start working on a programme that was an attachment to successful log-in and once that was embedded in the unit a second log-in would be accompanied by the monitoring programme. It was necessary to do this in two steps to see which, if any, anti-spyware existed in the unit. If this was the case, a one-step operation could lead to the monitoring software being detected. Better safe than sorry.

  “One last point Mr De Vere, on second thought the assumption that the operator must be close at hand is not necessarily valid. If the internal set up of this unit is hardwired rather than wireless, it only needs a DSL connection for the operator to be anywhere in the world. So, we must scan the pub unit from multiple angles to determine whether this is how it is configured, therefore I will arrange for a scanner to be loaned to you, if your contact can obtain the authorisation. It’s a hand-held unit, and could even be operated from inside your pocket.”

  “Capital my good citizen,” bellowed De Vere, “this has been most useful, but you haven’t asked me why I want to do this.”

  “Absolutely, in my line of work it is preferable, if not essential, to confine my knowledge to how rather than why, I am sure you appreciate that.”

  De Vere trooped off feeling really ‘chuffed’ with his progress. Yet he mused, ‘why do experts always look for a complicated explanation?’ To be charitable Derailleur was at least partly correct.

  ***

  Richardson had received the call for his presence to attend the seminar. “Pity,” he said to the Owl, “it clashes with the TV debate.”

  “Delay the debate, you have rattled so many egos, you could do with a little breathing space to see how they pan out. They cannot have the debate without you, and you would be well advised to evaluate exactly what kind of castration they have planned for you at the seminar.”

  “That bad,” queried IR, “I thought it would be a good opportunity to meet some of my fellow local councillors to share views, explore problems, and maybe even draw up joint objectives.”

  “I can’t see you having much time alone with contemporaries. You are there to undergo cleansing of your maverick tendency. Of course it will feel like puffing a joint to you, but you must demonstrate understanding of the complexity of central function, and implied future tolerance of it on your part, without being vulnerable to any quotes of that nature. You must not let their narcotic perseverance lower your guard. It will test you in a way you do not perceive as a test. Now, we have another problem which needs urgent attention.”

  “Oh, what is….?”

  “We have a potential conspiracy.” He told IR about De Vere’s plot.

  “How did you find out about this?”

  “It is better you do not know that right now, then you cannot be open to entrapment, I want to modify the log-in to include a part which only you could possibly input. When the prompt reappears please type in the normal code and then the second stage will ask you to type in your mother’s maiden name.”

  Richardson did as requested and the letters were entered as ‘Gita Clarke.’ The Owl reappeared wearing a curious expression which was caused by him wondering if IR’s appetite for pushing frontiers was possibly an inherited trait.

  Before IR left for the seminar he had many appointments, one of them with Enrico and an acquaintance called Malcolm X or something.

  ***

  When they turned up Richardson had been quizzing Mosey, on which technique he would advise in order to make sure he followed Enoch’s advice on avoiding several possible pitfalls at the seminar. Introductions were brief and Enrico gave the floor to Malcolm G. He started by telling IR how he didn’t take much interest in politics because it was mostly hot air and bickering, but he couldn’t help being impressed by how Richardson had saved the Hospice again
st all odds. “It ain’t too often we see a little guy take on the big shots, let alone beat them. I also hear that you are trying to help Pinstripe. Now that really interests me, taking a stand against such aggression by criminals when they are usually rewarded by the dumb law, decreeing them as the victim. There aren’t many things which make my blood boil but this sure is one of them. I may be able to help in a small way.”

  IR responded by modestly explaining his view that if no citizen was prepared to sacrifice their own future to do the right things for the electorate, we would have no future as a community. This wasn’t a big deal, but a minimum requirement, so he would continue to follow that instinct until he failed or lost his ability to wield any influence.

  “Anyway how do you think you may help?”

  “Well, when I’m not in Enrico’s you can usually find me at The Bragging Joint - please don’t get the wrong idea, I go there for the warmth not the social contact. Having been a regular for some years I guess I ain’t seen as a risk to the law-breakers who frequent the place to discuss their next hits. Of course if I was to be sussed as a grass, I would have to call time on any conduit activity. There are some real nasty dudes frequenting the Joint.”

  IR was pensive, then said he didn’t want Malcolm G to be placed in danger. However, no counter-action was likely to succeed without risk to someone, so as it was a voluntary gesture he would welcome anything which would assist the campaign to help Pinstripe.

  Mal G quipped that he had no money to donate so this was his way of saying ‘Go Councillor and Go Pinstripe.’

  He asked if he could be furnished with a recording device which could be concealed on his person when in use. IR said he would arrange for one to be passed to Enrico.

  Chapter 20

  When IR and Mosey were alone again, Barracuda stressed that this upcoming seminar was dangerous. “As you have thrust public opinion in their face on several fronts, they will be divided on how to handle you. Depending on how higher level politics are unfolding, you will be considered as a pawn to gain leverage, or a thorn to be extracted and publicly incinerated. You should also watch out for a third, seemingly flattering offensive, one which maintains that you are destined for higher office. Try to have as many conversations in the presence of your counterparts from other regions as possible, and avoid one-on-one tittle-tattle with the big hitters as much as you can. I must say my young friend that I did not expect you to have got this far on such a mission, and you seem remarkably blasé for someone so high on their most wanted list. Good Luck.”