The Predicament of Redwood Paddock Read online

  Hours later it reared its head in public for the first time. In his final TV appearance before the big day, Wishbone played his strongest card to date. He announced that the new task force, piloted so far by cross party personnel, was preparing a kind of Federal-State balance of central and local control. Although this was in its infancy it would serve another purpose. It would challenge the wisdom of any further ratification of EU treaties, which were really heralding a constitution, with only a few of the words re-arranged. Such treaties would be unnecessary if a Federal-State approach was workable. If this country could demonstrate such success, then the model would be portable. He left it late to say that it had already been proven that it worked in one great nation. He knew this would have a groundswell of support from the citizens. The market cooperation and common currency could be acceptable, as long as the agreed autonomy on the proposed boundaries of law and policy were accorded due flexibility.

  He was gambling that the promise of another term in power would overcome resistance of the rank and file of his own party. He was correct. He didn’t however, take sufficient account of a pattern of behaviour, that citizens had been conditioned in the last fifty years of ‘modern politics,’ to vote for change when there was little difference between the promises of two parties. It was one of those times.

  Rupert Neo-Altruist strangely lauded the proposal, and went further by pledging his newly formed Cabinet had been deliberately sculptured to carry through on such longings from our beleaguered citizens. He was sceptical that the dyed in the wool W.C. party could find the resolve to ignite such cohesive anti-EU pandemic, whereas the F.O.B. was founded on such bedrock. He left it to them to exercise their intelligence on which party the electorate could trust, without which the job would not get done.

  The BNP had served their purpose. They had brought pressure on the big two, and gained significant respect for themselves, but this was not their time. The flush of success in local elections had underlined to the main contenders that getting their act together was critical to either of them prevailing.

  Chapter 49

  Wishbone was dismayed that he had done so much to address his party’s recent failings, a substantial part of it in spite of resistance from his colleagues, most of whom were against the reformation. He had considered other means of losing but not one of sheer change for the sake of it. He was aware of course that if Ruby had hung on he might have won.

  Was the plot with De Vere a fatal error? He would never know. Dolph Edicct would become a noble example of losing again, especially after such stunning success at local level, but he failed to fully appreciate the forces at work. His epitaph would record that well-hackneyed expression, ‘he has taken the team as far as he can.’

  Richardson and De Vere pondered how the terrain would change with Rupert Neo-Altruist at the helm. They found out pretty well instantly. The new PM asked them to attend his office. He wasn’t big on small talk. He praised their blueprint, and insisted that Wishbone’s concept of using this against the lymph cancer of the EU was brilliant. So, the job was done. He didn’t need an independent body to take this forward. In fact, it would cause friction in the ranks of his Cabinet. He believed his party was elected to govern, and committees were out. He regretted losing Richardson but invited De Vere to realign himself with his beloved F.O.B. party, and indicated his achievements with IR would ensure him a significant post.

  Mosey had been absolutely right. What now? IR returned to Redwood Paddock, and on arrival, saw the citizens he knew so well, gathered around TV’s in many locations, glued to the keynote speech of Rupert Neo-Altruist. He was outlining his programme of restoration of values. He centred his approach with a new slogan. There was to be a war on Moral Apathy. We had to stop this perceived nonsense of ‘offending’ individuals or groups of citizens who were perfectly capable of defending or helping themselves. It was labelled as a choice they had, to improve their own lives. Giving examples of obesity, drugs abuse, smoking, alcoholism, he insisted that this was the place to start. The cheers were perfectly synchronised to his practiced punctuation. A new era?

  IR did not attract much attention as he wandered through the village, he could have been anyone.

  When he finally caught up with the Owl, the Holo-matrix was free, everyone was hypnotised by the TV message. Yet another new beginning and its bedfellow - hope!

  Enoch greeted Richardson with a muted welcome and expressed his genuine sorrow at his ‘orphan’ status. He also passed on a message that Mosey would like to see him.

  Mosey Barracuda was virtually alone in not watching the broadcast. Well there was Enoch of course, but it would have been extremely silly for one hologram to watch another in the form of a Prime Minister. Apart from that, IR finally discovered that Mosey was Enoch.

  It was a long story. Mosey had been born as the Earl of Plenty, and soon discovered that his interest in politics, especially with his rebellious leanings was doomed to failure, because of his conflicting heritage. Try as he might he simply wasn’t trusted. He decided to arrange his own disappearance. He left the country and was on the missing persons list for many years. His foresight enabled him to deposit considerable funds in various locations, and under several aliases, with matching paperwork.

  He blended smoothly into this Romany lifestyle. He underwent some cosmetic changes before his return. His chosen haven and guise as a homeless cat provided the essential seclusion for his idea.

  This all fell into place for IR. It explained the funding of the Holo-matrix, and answered questions he had never asked. Mosey Barracuda confided that no-one else knew of this, and he wanted Richardson to keep it that way. He believed that IR could help replicate the concept and facilitate its growth.

  “This is what you are good at my friend. You and I are both glorious failures, but we have made, and can continue to make a difference.”

  Richardson was grateful that he still had a friend, but decided to ask Mosey how he knew the likely outcome of all this.

  “Well, I can only put this into the words of two of my favourite scientists. My prediction of the likely unfolding of the election result was a sort of halfway-house between the two eminent quotes.” He explained quietly and without sadness.

  “When the first big-hitting physicist was confronted by an admiring pupil, that his awesome explanation of the physics of the cosmos was so beautiful, he thanked the student. But he added a philosophical gem. He suggested that the young citizen should realise there was probably no alternative. The second tackled the advance of civilization and the conundrum of a God, or Super Intelligence, existing in, or as the cosmos. He characterised this entity as a regular geometric black object appearing in epoch intervals to facilitate shifts of progress in the intellectual capacity of citizens, from the dawn of complex living organisms to the present day. You see Richardson, the simplicity of this portrayal was its profoundness. When asked if this was his personal belief, the scientist replied that this was simply one version, the truth would be far stranger.”

  Richardson gazed at Mosey and in an instant realised that he wanted to work with this eccentric mentor, and pick up some of his ideas on the broader aspects of life. He told Mosey he would return shortly.

  He wanted to pay a visit to those stone steps where it all started, both a short and a long time ago. However, it wasn’t the same mist spiralling down the steps, this was the mist of the new PM’s rhetoric.

  Dramatis Personae by Character Designation

  Main Protagonists

  Improbable Richardson, Budgerigar, Council Leader

  Enoch Owl, Avian, Hologram

  Mosey Barracuda, Cat, Villager

  Volpe, Fox, Villager

  Collie Moddle, Dog, Bartender

  Tarquin De Vere, Peacock, F.O.B. Councillor

  Sniffy Badger, Badger, Media Wheeler Dealer

  Trenchard Hedinsand, Albatross, Cabinet, Education

  Will Standin-Line, Bull, Cabinet, Health

  Supporting Cast
r />   Betty Hamster, Villager

  Buckmananov Detroit, Racoon, Lawyer

  Deprived Jimmy, Mouse, Ex Council Leader

  Dimiscus Fungi, Beaver Cabinet Homeland Security

  Echo Tubthumper, Weasel, Council

  Enrico, Fox, Villager

  Horace Hoarsescheit, Reptilian, Minister for PC

  Jacky Jack Jackson, Jackdaw, Villain

  Malcolm G, Avian, Villager

  Marmaduke Pinstripe, Pig, Villager

  Memphis Chloe, Pony, Villager

  Old Speckled Hen, Hen, Villager

  Otto Nostalgia, Otter, BNP Councillor

  Pontius Schmuck, Chameleon, PM

  Reynarda, Fox, Librarian

  Ruby Bickerstacks, Mare, F.O.B.Leader

  Rupert Neo-Altruist, Colt, F.O.B. Cabinet Minister

  Sean A. Bombortwo, Mink, Cabinet Defence

  Wimp Fargo, Duck, Cabinet Homeland Security

 

  Dramatis Personae in Alphabetical Order

  * Main Protagonists

  ** Supporting Characters

  The Remainder are Extras

  Amaya Trollope, Frog, Villain’s Partner

  Betty Hamster, Villager **

  Blanche Albino, Rabbit, Treasury

  Bristling Jo Maybe, Hedgehog, Cabinet Chancellor

  Bios Derailleur, Vole, Ministry of Intelligence

  Buckmananov Detroit, Racoon, Lawyer **

  Cadwalladar Flimsy, Doe, W.C. Councillor

  Candida Le Whammy, Amphibian, NOSONICE

  Cass L’Impotadur, Turkey, Speak North TV

  Cliffetta Hemisphere, Thrush, Junior Culture Minister

  Collie Moddle, Dog, Bartender *

  Dazza D Ledger, Wolfhound, Head of Treasury

  Deprived Jimmy, Mouse, Ex Council Leader **

  Dimiscus Fungi, Beaver Cabinet Homeland Security **

  Dolph Edicct, Woodpecker, BNP Leader

  Dooblay Entendre, Viper, Council

  Dremmy Parrasight, Hermaphrodite Social Psychologist

  Enoch Owl, Avian, Hologram *

  Echo Tubthumper, Weasel, Council **

  Enrico, Fox, Villager **

  Fetid McMac, Poodle, NOSONICE

  Foggy Chalice, Kestrel, Lord Chief Justice

  Frauddy Mouthwater, Hamster, Con Artist

  Gerald Latitude, Falcon, F.O.B. Chancellor

  Horace Hoarsescheit, Reptilian, Minister for PC **

  Improbable Richardson, Budgerigar, Council Leader *

  Ibrahimovic Casey, Stoat, Enrico’s Agent

  Inscrutable Chas, Toad, Homeland Security

  Jacky Jack Jackson, Jackdaw, Villain **

  Joe E Shorts, Rat, Wey Aye Radio

  Leo Porous-Borders, Doberman, FOB Foreign Minister

  Malcolm G, Avian, Villager **

  Maj. G. Wilderberry-Pork, Bat, W.C. Foreign Minister

  Marmaduke Pinstripe, Pig, Villager **

  Marcel Scrotum, Kestrel, F.O.B. Councillor

  Memphis Chloe, Pony, Villager **

  Mixim Otosis, Rabbit, H.U.F.F Councillor

  Mosey Barracuda, Cat, Villager *

  Norbert Webfoot, Amphibian, NOSONICE

  Nakatolli Shogun, Monkey, Hacker

  Old Speckled Hen, Hen, Villager **

  Otto Nostalgia, Otter, BNP Councillor **

  Placidus Avoidus, Earthworm, Council

  Pontius Schmuck, Chameleon, PM **

  Reynarda, Fox, Librarian **

  Ruby Bickerstacks, Mare, F.O.B.Leader **

  Rupert Neo-Altruist, Colt, F.O.B. Cabinet Minister **

  Sniffy Badger, Badger, Media Wheeler Dealer *

  Sarcasticus Exagerus, Mole, Daily Meadow

  Sean A. Bombortwo, Mink, Cabinet Defence **

  Sebastien Pifflereich, Ram, F.O.B. Homeland Security

  Tarquin De Vere, Peacock, F.O.B. Councillor *

  Trenchard Hedinsand, Albatross, Cabinet, Education *

  Uranus Ormine, Frog, Villain

  Will Standin-Line, Bull, Cabinet, Health *

  Wimp Fargo, Duck, Cabinet Homeland Security **

  Verily Knot, Ferret, De Vere Contact

  Volpe, Fox, Villager *

  Acknowledgement

  Many thanks to Rhys J Smith for contributions to the characters and the arduous task of keeping me on track with all things grammatical.